Me and My Nine Iron

March 1, 2010

Time out, I need a cigarette.


In today’s episode of “What would you like to sue for, America?” a 71-year-old woman is suing the City of Huntington Beach for more than $10,000 after she fell on a sidewalk and fractured her leg. You know, I had a berry fall from a tree the other day and land on my head and wouldn’t you know it, I’ve got a crick in my neck. How much could I get for that?

If you haven’t been watching SportsCenter lately, LeBron, this is how you properly display sportsmanship.

The results are in from President Obama‘s physical Sunday. We learned that he’s a cigarette smoker who spends rigorous and extended periods on the basketball court. To all you smokers out there, you can play sports without giving up your smoking habit.

Don’t mess with Johnny Weir. This American badass gets death threats

Blowing a kiss to PETA.

from anti-fur activists.

A homeless man was sentenced to 19 years in prison Friday for stabbing a 14-year-old girl in 2008. There’s nothing funny about that and should probably get you to watch your back with hobos.

Quotes

The main runway at JFK airport is set to close on March 1 for four months. Said a JFK air traffic controller: “It’s like renting a car in England — you know how to drive but you’re driving on the other of the road. I know how to say ‘clear for take off’ but I’m just doing it in a configuration that I’m not used to.”

Can’t say I’m entirely comfortable with an air traffic controller saying something like that. Hey, at least he’s not on Wall Street. The stock market would’ve taken a huge plunge.

I was reading the local paper today when I saw just an exemplary figure from my hometown in Fullerton that I have to share. “A woman suffered severe burns after smoking a cigarette near her oxygen tank.” Raising true to how I (and Obama) feel about us Fullertonians (and smokers): we never quit.

Headline reads, “Lil Wayne set to test how jails handle celebs.” Did this AP writer not hear about Martha Stewart‘s little picnic in jail? She hosted the same exact show behind bars that she does now, just with lesser known guests. The sad thing is Wayne’s going to make a best-selling album about his jailing experience that kids are going to just eat up.

Pink’s Hot Dogs celebrated the grand opening of its first Orange County location at Knott’s Berry Farm Sunday. “On Sunday people lined up at Knott’s Berry Farm to be some of the first diners.” D’oh. There’s some false excitement for those of you that showed up today. It’s been open for at least a couple of weeks, when I ate there. Oh, and if you want to know how it is, my experienced friends tell me the menu’s not as expansive as at the original location.

Google a map of Chile, and when you got the full-sized image on your screen, hold F11.

BJ

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2 Comments »

  1. Smoke what?

    Comment by Bryan — March 1, 2010 @ 11:27 am | Reply

  2. Since when do you smoke?

    Comment by James — March 1, 2010 @ 5:36 am | Reply


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