Me and My Nine Iron

February 9, 2011

Celebrity breakups

They say celebrities die in threes. Well, three relationships just publicly died in the past two days.

Olivia Wilde

The 26-year-old actress best known as a mid-series regular on House M.D. and turned heads in the recent TRON: Legacy split after eight years of marriage with an Italian Prince. I should’ve seen this coming from a mile away (if I knew she had married at the age of 18). Just like Mila Kunis, Wilde’s stock is at an all-time high with a career year. This summer and fall, Wilde is starring in at least three wide releases in four months, and she’s just too big now to not be dating a fellow thespian, even if that means cutting ties with a Prince.

Ashlee Simpson-Wentz

After less than three years of marriage, the 26-year-old filed for divorce today from Fall Out Boy member and primary songwriter Pete Wentz. Here’s to hoping Wentz, who broke the band up a year ago this month, calls up his bandmates and tells them it’s back on, especially after what he finds in her filing: primary physical custody of their 2-year-old son, spousal and child support from Wentz and terminate the court’s ability to award spousal support to Wentz.

Sienna Miller

Despite recent rumors of an imminent second engagement, Miller broke up with Jude Law again. Perhaps, this time it was that Law was so excited about his birthday on December 29 that he forgot all about her birthday on December 28. That’s a deal breaker, right?

Maybe, the three guys can get together and play this song about their exes and their future Jude Laws. And they can all switch the nationalities in the chorus because they’re all from different countries.




  1. It’s interesting that you mention Olivia Wilde marrying at 18 and divorcing now, at 26, while on the verge of stardom. It brings up a question I’ve been thinking about for a while: For a celebrity, is it better to marry pre-fame or post-fame?

    The benefits of both are obvious. Pre-fame marriage eliminates the gold diggers. They were there when you were a poor, unfamous nobody, so there’s less risk of being used for money. Post-fame nuptials, however, provides – justified or not — the seed of an ulterior motive. You gotta always be looking over your shoulder and taking precautions to protect your assets. But post-fame courtship could result in a much hotter spouse. It’s like Dwyane Wade, who entered the NBA married to Siohvaughn Funches (who apparently shares Dwyane’s affinity for oddly spelled names), only to dump her for the way hotter and way more famous (kinda) Gabrielle Union.

    So, what I’ve concluded: If you’re going to marry a civilian (read: non-celebrity), it’s best to marry pre-fame. But if you’re marrying another celebrity, it’s best to do so just past (<- this is important) the height of your career. That way you can settle with a smoking, financially independent celebrity, after enjoying the spoils of being a famous bachelor.

    Comment by Chris Le — February 11, 2011 @ 9:31 am | Reply

  2. I didn’t even hear about this place until I read that synopsis. Unless you care about the healthiness of your hometown’s economy via tourism, it’s pretty cool when only the locals know about it and go to it. There are plenty of pretty places in the world. Perhaps, the reason you mentioned is why it doesn’t get more recognition. And a good reason at that.

    Comment by Bryan — February 10, 2011 @ 8:43 pm | Reply

  3. Hah. maybe that’s why she was on the front page of I actually really want to watch Winter’s Bone. The Ozarks doesn’t get enough national recognition. Gorgeous scenery and beautiful lakes. Apparently a meth haven as well…

    Comment by Dan — February 10, 2011 @ 4:16 pm | Reply

  4. Yeah, it’s pretty brutal considering they split amicably but not surprising even for a celebrity.

    No, I don’t know Lawrence. Shouldn’t she be more appropriately associated as the Winter’s Bone chick? I imagine she can act having received a Best Actress nom. for that role, and she’ll get a lot more recognition this year being in four movies. Not one of the hottest 20-year-olds, but I can see what you mean if you like blondes.

    Comment by Bryan — February 10, 2011 @ 1:49 pm | Reply

  5. Dayyyumm. Ashlee is being pretty aggressive for being a person with her own career.

    btw have you heard of this Jennifer Lawrence chick? Apparently she’s the daughter on the Bill Engvall show (i’ve only seen the ads) and she is smokin. Next big Hollywood starlet. callin it right now and I don’t even know if she can act.

    Comment by Dan — February 9, 2011 @ 10:41 pm | Reply

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