Me and My Nine Iron

May 24, 2011

The forecast

Filed under: On the 6 o'clock news — BJ @ 2:09 pm
Wed Thu Fri
Mostly Sunny/Wind Partly Cloudy Sunny
High: 93 High: 88 High: 96
Low: 69 Low: 69 Low: 72

May 23, 2011

Jeong hosts Billboard Music Awards

Filed under: On the 6 o'clock news — BJ @ 12:17 am
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I got to give it up for my man, Ken Jeong, who tonight hosted the Billboard Music Awards. And if I’m not mistaken, he might be the first Asian-American to host a major American awards show so that’s a pretty big deal to me. Bonus points because he’s Korean.

I was watching The Hangover on closed captioning, and his famous money shot gesture, spreading the seed, what have you, reads as “splashing.” I counted seven splashes in less than the first three minutes of his opening performance, and there’s no doubt in my mind, this guy owns the motion and that it should be forever linked to him. He should trademark that shit before Disney gets on it.

Anyway, loved him as host. He brought the energy I expected and actually, dazzled me with his musical prowess. It’s tough to crack jokes in front of thousands of people of all different ages (including little kids) and comedic preferences (from country artists to rappers), but his outrageous antics kept things entertaining.

Can’t wait for The Hangover Part II, coming out Wednesday night at midnight.


May 21, 2011

Rapture is near for Camping

Filed under: On the 6 o'clock news — BJ @ 8:18 pm
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Do I really need to say it? A filthy-rich Christian broadcaster told the world of the exact date of the Rapture. And to think there were actually people stupid enough to believe it. If you are a believer, how can you believe Harold Camping for one second when you know that the passage reads, “But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only?” (Jesus)

I would be raising hell that he’s tarnishing the religious image if I were so myself. But I’m not so here I am adding ammo to my arsenal, knowing that “On Sunday May 22nd Harold Camping will go over his calculations and discover he forgot to carry a 1… and thus begin the cycle ALL over again.” (Thanks, Yahoo! commenter.) Not to mention Camping has a history of failed predictions. As the saying goes, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Or maybe, you should have a little common sense in that no esteemed figure even questioned its validity because it was so blatantly outrageous. Hope he fucking dies before he releases a new date. And I mean that so another mom doesn’t kill her kids to spare them of “the end of the world,” to prevent suicides and another Robert Fitzpatrick, who pissed away $140,000 from his savings account on awareness advertisements. And then the best part was he scratched his head wondering why the world didn’t end when 6p past.

But seriously, if you make a claim that holds that much weight, you should bear some responsibility and consequence, especially when you’re absolutely sure it’s going to happen. Camping deserves to be hanged Salem Witch Trials style because although, he personally wasn’t financially affected with his $100 million “non-profit” ministry, those foolish enough to follow him just ruined their lives or made sure it ended. Yeah, we’ll tell him that if he’s right in the world coming to an end, he’ll survive. So he wins either way just like the witches. Rope never lies.

What’s even more amazing is Camping’s specificity with which the world would end. “In Camping’s description of Judgment Day, the Earth would be wrenched in a great earthquake and many inhabitants would perish in the coming months, until the planet’s total destruction on October 21. Camping has preached that some 200 million people would be saved, and that those left behind would die in a series of scourges visiting Earth until the globe is consumed by a fireball on Oct. 21.”

First of all, I don’t think that 6.1 in the middle of nowhere was enough to get the ball rolling on that ridiculous chain reaction of events.

“Doomsday experts say that a belief in the end is comforting to some people who see the world as irredeemably evil,” only solidifying my belief that religious people believe in religion and afterlife for the simple fact that they’re scared. And if you’re among those truly not scared because you know you’ll be “saved,” that means you were scared. And you’ve convinced yourself this for reassurance so you actually still are, ultimately signifying that all religious people are scared, a horrible reason to believe in something.

“Religious doom predictors see their sacred texts as infallible so any failed predictions are mistakes of interpretation — and the next interpretation could always be right.” Another bogus claim from religious people in all aspects of religion. Keep things ambiguous and only under the control of God so that you can always fall back on him when things don’t go your way.

Well, I know one thing about Camping. The end is near for the 89-year-old.

And here to reclaim the original and only meaning of the word, yours truly in a rap song (3:10).


May 20, 2011

Bridesmaids preview

Filed under: For your pleasure — BJ @ 7:25 pm
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This is the opening of the second weekend for Bridesmaids, the better-than-expected comedy written and starring Kristen Wiig (MacGruber, Saturday Night Live) and produced by Judd Apatow. In its brief release, it is a critical and commercial success, making it the highest-rated Apatow movie on IMDb since Superbad (2007). It also exceeded studio projections, opening at a solid No. 2 (behind Thor) and tops among new releases (almost doubling the take of $60 million movie Priest).

This was Wiig’s writing debut in which she opted for an all-female cast, but don’t dismiss it as a chick flick. From what reviewers are saying, it’s also, surprisingly, a movie with depth. Mix that in with your R-rated Apatow and Wiig humor, and you’ve got a classic Apatow movie. Can’t wait to see it.

After a relatively slow 2010 of just producing Get Him to the Greek, this will be the first of three movies produced by Apatow this year with an intriguing lineup of projects to be released. Still the king of comedy.


May 18, 2011

Back to the daily grind

I know I’ve been back from my trip for three and a half weeks now, which was pretty awesome. Thanks for asking. I know it’s been over a month since I wrote my last post, the longest break in between posts since I started this waste of time. The truth is I just didn’t feel like it, and as a writer, that happens to me at some point almost every single day. What a tragedy.

Not to worry, though. I haven’t been sans writing in the same amount of time. I could’ve updated you the week I got back on the contest deadlines I was working to get ready for that weekend.

4/30 The Industry Insider Screenwriting Contest

Either a quarterly or biannual contest in partnership with Writers Store and Allan Loeb this period, who in February was named “The Most Prolific Screenwriter in Hollywood” in a feature. Everyone is given the same logline, and you write the first 15 pages based on the given concept. This period’s contest fortunately was a comedy, which Loeb is heavily involved in, and I feel strongly about my entry. (More so, than my original screenplay, but that’s just because I’m trying to write 15 great pages as opposed to 100.)

A group of married men desperate for one last bachelor party invents a long-lost friend who’s about to be wed, but things get out of control when their wives want to meet the groom before the big event.

It screams The Hangover, but who the fuck cares? It’s another golden opportunity to ride the ticket into the business. Ten finalists will be chosen at the end of the month and enter into a 12-week mentoring program to finish the script, where a winner will be chosen.

5/3 Nicholl Fellowships in Screenwriting

This contest is in association with The Academy Awards. Yes, those Academy Awards. So you can imagine the quality of work being entered (and the volume, as well). Whereas a prestigious annual contest can garner over 1,000 entries, the Nicholl Fellowships this year received 6,700 entries. Good luck, BJ.

I could’ve talked about all that then. I could’ve talked about how I helped two friends move in the past three weekends, which all the dinners they fed me couldn’t possibly erase the enmity I had for them at the time. I could’ve talked about all the other shit I did in the past month. Well, you know what? I will. I’m just going to take it one day at a time like Kobe in the Dallas series.

Re-post from a friend:


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