Me and My Nine Iron

October 19, 2011

Charlie Sheen roast

Filed under: On the 6 o'clock news — BJ @ 1:15 am

I saw this article that ranked the ten funniest jokes that they could post from Charlie Sheen‘s roast, and I was impressed by the hilarious jokes so I had to see the rest of what they had to offer. The roast became the second most-watched telecast on Comedy Central but was easily outdone by the Two and a Half Men season premiere which played at the same time, the 28.7 million viewers a sitcom high.

Below is my list of jokes aimed only at Sheen. Four jokes from the article made my Top 14 (12, 7, 3, 1).

(14) “Admittedly, Charlie gets a little confused sometimes. He’s the only guy who pulls a knife on a woman already willing to fuck him.” – Kate Walsh

(13) “He’s Jewish. And not because his mother’s a Jew but because CBS paid him $50 million. And he still sued the network.” – Jon Lovitz

(12) “Charlie allegedly made a prostitute cry at the Plaza Hotel. I want to tell you though, Charlie, I think she’s lying ‘cause I saw the scene where you got arrested in Wall Street. You can’t even make yourself cry.” – Seth MacFarlane

(11) “He was the star of Hot Shots. Which is also what Charlie feels when he takes a piss.” – Seth MacFarlane

(10) “He’s the reason a dick with cocaine on it is called a Sheenis.” – Seth MacFarlane

(9) “Honestly, Charlie, I never thought I would live to see the night that you would live to see this night.” – Seth MacFarlane

(8) “How much blow can Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.” – Jon Lovitz

(7) “I’m 80 years old…how come it looks like we went to high school together?” – William Shatner

(6) “If you’re winning, then this must not be a child custody hearing.” – Jeff Ross

(5) “Don’t you want to live to see their first 12 steps?” – Jeff Ross

(4) “You were amazing in Platoon. Your marriage to Denise Richards, it was kind of like her Vietnam ‘cause she was constantly afraid of being killed by Charlie.” – Amy Schumer

(3) “There’s a lot of Sheen on TV this evening. When this show airs, tonight on Two and a Half Men, they’re actually having Charlie’s pretend funeral, believe it or not. But there’s no need to switch over though. Just wait a few months, you can probably see the real thing.” – Seth MacFarlane

(2) “There is no denying how famous you are. I mean it was international news when you ruined the lives of those two girls living with you. You know, your daughters.” – Amy Schumer

(1) “You know what’s amazing? Despite all those years of abusing your lungs, your kidneys, your liver, the only thing you had removed was your kids.” – Kate Walsh



1 Comment »

  1. This really is a very interesting article to read. Thanks for writing this and please come up with more articles similar to this.

    Comment by kahlua cocktail — October 20, 2011 @ 3:43 am | Reply

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at

%d bloggers like this: