Me and My Nine Iron

December 20, 2011

Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol IMAX review

Filed under: Movie reviews — BJ @ 5:06 pm

I was among the 10% of IMAX locations to show the first six minutes of The Dark Knight Rises, which is also mostly shot in IMAX. The visuals are amazing, and the opening sequence is grandeur. The only knock I have is that Bane is incomprehensible from behind that mask, and Christopher Nolan has since stated that “additional sound work” during post-production would make the dialogue easier to understand. The final film of the Dark Knight trilogy comes out July 20, 2012.

It took three days to watch this movie in IMAX, where it was released in select theaters on Friday before a wide release on Wednesday. And even the Sunday at 10:30p showtime I lined up an hour early for sold out as well.

The best rated Mission: Impossible of the four films was entertaining throughout with big-time action scenes and nail-biting stunts from Ethan Hunt. Simon Pegg brings the laughs, and Jeremy Renner and Paula Patton are great additions to the team. Brad Bird, who’s best known for writing and directing Ratatouille and The Incredibles, magnificently shot just his fourth–and first live-action–feature.

The reason why it doesn’t get five stars is because everyone’s invincible, both agents and villains, after unrecoverable explosions and injuries. Either the story or villain–maybe both–was kind of weak, affecting the size of the payoff. And of course, there’s an open ending for a Mission: Impossible 5, which like M.I. 2-4, isn’t look like it’s coming out any sooner than four years from its predecessor – an area of concern, as Tom Cruise gets up there in age (49).

Rating: 4 stars out of 5



December 16, 2011

Girls girls girls

Breaking news: Victoria’s Secret models get their perfect bodies from not eating!

Adriana Lima said in an interview before last month’s annual Victoria’s Secret fashion show that she doesn’t eat solids for nine days leading up to the show, in addition to two workouts a day. So for those of you wondering how to get fit this new year, just stop eating and you’ll be an angel. That’s essentially what Jenny Craig does for you anyway. Why pay someone to tell you to eat a teaspoon of a sandwich?

I know girls like to dress up and have a night out, but I feel like a lot of the times they look worse. And they don’t even know it. Case in point:

Mila Kunis at the Marine Corps Ball.

So not digging the hairstyle, and I think our honorable Marine feels the same way.

It’s no secret that Jennifer Aniston tries her hardest to fight aging, but this new haircut is taking it to a whole new level. It’s as wrong as when 50-year-olds wear tight jeans. A smokin’ 42-year-old indeed, but Rachel Green’s going to bust out that cheerleading outfit pretty damn soon.

My point about Kunis and Aniston, and for all you ladies out there who don’t read my blog, is embrace. Embrace your natural beauty and your age, and you’ll only continue to be prettier. Like Meryl Streep.

No good?


December 15, 2011

The Hermanator

Filed under: On the 6 o'clock news — BJ @ 10:03 pm
Tags: ,

Say what you will about the practicality or the applicability. I find this human ingenuity at its finest.

Watch your back, Harry.

While on the other end of the spectrum, this quote would go down in history as one of the most epic fails in politics if Herman Cain were President – or anything more than former CEO of Godfather’s Pizza.

Said Cain: “For every one person that comes forward with a false accusation, there are probably thousands who will say that none of that sort of activity ever came from Herman Cain.”

…in response to allegations of sexual misconduct – October

Allegation of a 13-year affair – November

Pulled out of the presidential candidacy – December

There are so many things wrong with that one sentence. “Probably.” Probably? Really? Can you imagine Bill Clinton saying, “Yeah, but there are probably thousands who I did not have sexual relations with.”

It’s been a rough couple of months for the sleazeball, but he rightly exited a game he had no business being a part of. Here’s to hoping Michele Bachmann does the same soon.


December 14, 2011

Awards hosts announced

As awards season kicks off, Billy Crystal and Ricky Gervais are ready to host next year’s Academy Awards and Golden Globes. Crystal, who will host his ninth Academy Awards and be replacing the failed tandem of Anne Hathaway and James Franco, is a fan favorite and makes me wonder why he hasn’t hosted the top awards show in film since 2004. He’s had at least 40 million viewers in every show he’s hosted, a number reached only once in the last six years (Steve Martin, Alec Baldwin, 2010), and is about as obvious a choice as Neil Patrick Harris handling the Emmy Awards.

The bigger news is the polarizing host of the Golden Globes, who’s drawn ire among those in Hollywood over his insulting remarks on the air. The most concerning part of this decision came after the announcement; while Gervais claimed that his third Golden Globes gig would be his last, that meant he would go out with a bang, promising more insults…as if his previous jabs were successful.

He stated “they shouldn’t trust me,” which should be comforting to hear a year after the comedian created an awkward atmosphere with his unfunny jokes. This decision to keep Gervais shocked me because the event should be a night for everyone to have a good time, not get roasted. At least, it should make for an interesting Monday morning next month.


December 12, 2011

Asians in the news

Big ups to Ken Jeong for making his first sale back in October. Dr. Ken will star in and produce The Chung Factor, which “is about a nice guy who meets the girl of his dreams after being unlucky in love. But because he’s afraid of screwing up the relationship, he takes advice from an offbeat relationship coach, played by Jeong.”

I read someone comment that we haven’t seen the best of Ken, and I couldn’t agree more. And this script, which was on the 2005 Black List of best unproduced scripts, seems perfect in giving him the opportunity to showcase his comedic talents. Looking forward to seeing it and him as the lead on the big screen.

Asian girls in the library, Part II

A video went viral on Friday after an Asian girl was caught on tape blowing her lid at others being disruptive at a Cal State Northridge library.

Opinions are polarizing, and we don’t know what happened before this, but I think it’s safe to say given that she was on the other side of the room that these girls were doing more than “breathing loudly,” as the anonymous uploader claims was the problem. (“This is not my video.” Yeah, that’s why your friend is getting yelled at, and your voice is heard making wise-ass remarks, you bitch.)

The bottom line is a reasonable amount of quiet is expected in a library–she should not have been able to hear them from where she was sitting–and the Asian girl likely did others a favor by telling the girls to shut the hell up. Yes, a loud but brief confrontation is better than having those girls yap for hours while others are too afraid to do what the Asian chick did.

It’s funny because I have Asian friends still in school who bitch about loud people in the library–as race is an issue in this incident–but whether it’s an Asian commonality is irrelevant; people should just not talk as is expected in a library. It’s too bad we can’t see the rest of it, according to this hot chick who tweeted “it gets so much worse after the video ends.”


I was looking online for ear picks recently, and on Google’s front page was this video of two Americans who seem like they’re teaching English in Korea and post non-American products every week. (They have quite a following, with over 100,000 subscribers.) Well, I was absolutely stunned to find their fascination with ear picks, and until this video, I didn’t realize that Americans didn’t even know about them, let alone use them.

Many people have pointed out that the reason why Asians use ear picks and Americans use Q-tips is because of “different ear wax. Caucasian ear wax is waxy, and Asian ear wax is more dry and crusty/flaky. So for us soft fibrous cotton is best as latching onto the wax, while for them a hard spoon is best for scraping out the “wax.”

For those of you that didn’t know about the invention of the ear pick, get out from under that rock and pick up an ear pick (available at Asian supermarkets?). As doctors will tell you not to put anything in your ears because you’re just pushing the wax in, it’s the obvious choice if you absolutely must clean your ears just by the way the two are designed. The lights shown in this video are kind of gimmicky and an unnecessary feature and no, you don’t clean your ears with your friends but rather, by your parents. Just wow.


December 9, 2011

The best Black Friday shopping list ever!

Filed under: For your pleasure,TMZ ish — BJ @ 12:56 am

Just to add one thing from the last post…You could probably have sex with a

Leaked Playboy cover.

celebrity for well under a million dollars, but it’s amazing you have to drop seven figures for a few nude photos. Like the saying goes, “take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

Black Friday is a bitch. I tried to stroll into the store at a quarter after midnight. You know, after the hundreds of people waiting in line for days have gone in. If you can imagine how big a Target building is, the line at a quarter after midnight wrapped around half of the building.

Note to self: that doesn’t fucking work. We went back at 3a, and all was well.

  • Batteries
  • Bibs
  • Books at Barnes and Noble (store opens at 9a)
  • Chapstick
  • CD’s
  • Food thermometer
  • Glue gun
  • Granola bars
  • Insoles
  • Toys
  • Wii recharge dock
  • Wine at Total Wine (store opens at 9a)

Name all of the items that me and my friend went shopping for on Black Friday that were not on sale.


December 8, 2011

Million dollar spread

Wow. Two posts a month isn’t going to cut it, asshole. Since I’ve only been adding to my list of topics to write about (like my movies queue), I should probably tackle the timely stuff because well, I just can’t let things go. Like my ex-girlfriend.

Just kidding.

Playboy is all but dead among the new generation, where we can all fap our little hearts out without paying a token. That isn’t to say the struggling company doesn’t attempt to lure celebrities with big-pay nude spreads. (You can see where this is going.)

A lot of people don’t think Lindsay Lohan is pretty, and when she has dyed-white hair, loads of makeup on and gaudy slutwear, she couldn’t exude trashy anymore than she already does. But when she’s not this current self, I think the freckled red-head is fine, and that’s why I’m actually excited for this Playboy issue coming out later this month.

The family is tons of sexual fun, as the day after Lohan agreed with Playboy for a cool milion, her dad got arrested for hitting Kate Major because she refused to blow him. My guess is Major, who was previously linked to Jon Gosselin, wanted to go back to the Kogi beef when she saw Mr. Lohan whip his out.

LiLo was sentenced to six days in jail but virtually walked in and out due to overcrowding, and people are obviously upset about that. Yes, she violated her probation, which means she fucked up again, and thus, should get a stiff sentence, but I’d rather have the violent criminals in there over her. It’s the same reason why Conrad Murray will be serving very little of his four-year prison sentence, if not entirely under house arrest. Yes, he killed someone, but I don’t consider him violent. How he hasn’t yet lost his medical license is another story.

It would only be right to have LiLo and Kim Kardashian in the same post so that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

As much as Kardashian’s failed wedding can be seen as a scheme to make $20 million(!), which might be the most absurd thing I’ve heard all year (you got that, Sandusky?), in which formerly-Mr. Kardashian claims that Kim just needed a groom for her reality show, I read her side of the story in US Weekly (an absolute garbage magazine filled with celebrity sightings, “Who wore it better?” polls and provides nothing you can’t find on TMZ or Yahoo! omg!), and if true, she makes some valid points. But the bottom line is they’re both at fault, and even if it’s tougher under the microscope as a celebrity, this motivation poster couldn’t be truer.

But not really.


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