Me and My Nine Iron

January 24, 2012

What grinds my gears

Filed under: On the 6 o'clock news — BJ @ 11:59 pm
Tags: ,

Butt boosting

Having your dad pull your loose tooth when you were a kid to save a trip to the doctor is one thing, but going to some janky guy’s garage to get butt and breast implants to save a few bucks is not the way to go.

I’ve heard friends say we shouldn’t have laws that protect the ridiculously idiotic and in this case–yeah, of course–but c’mon. You’re injecting cement, super glue, caulk and tire sealant in these poor ladies and taking their $700, and you’re telling me they’re not at all culpable when this makeshift cosmetic operation has proven fatal in recent history.

Maybe, I should hold off on that homemade teeth whitening system I see in all those internet ads.

Child porn

An elementary school principal was sentenced to 30 years in prison after pleading guilty to one count of producing child pornography at his school. He had “used hidden cameras in the school bathroom to secretly capture videos depicting the genitals of male students.”

While that serves as an example as to why I always look around for hidden cameras when I use public bathrooms, I can’t imagine Jerry Sandusky not getting multiple life terms in comparison. Not at all mitigating the severity of the principal’s crime, but he didn’t touch a single kid. And he got 30 years.

Sandusky is charged with 40 counts of sexual abuse of young boys over a 15-year period, including 7 counts of involuntary deviate sexual intercourse on eight boys and anally raping a 10-year-old boy. Oh, and by the way, he’s currently free on $250,000 bail.

You know it’s bad when 10 days after being indicted, your phone interview with Bob Costas goes something like this:

COSTAS: “Are you sexually attracted to young boys, to underage boys?”

SANDUSKY: “Am I sexually attracted to underage boys?”

COSTAS: “Yes.”

SANDUSKY: “Sexually attracted, you know, I enjoy young people. I love to be around them. But no I’m not sexually attracted to young boys.”

Repeating the question and not firmly denying it in your opening sentence means 1) You’re trying not to lie, which is a good thing and 2) You’re a pedophile, which is not.

Gay sports

In November, David Testo came out and announced he was openly gay, making him the first gay American soccer player while still active. Just a month later, this has already been incorporated into our video games.



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