Me and My Nine Iron

October 18, 2012

The other side of sports

Filed under: For your pleasure — BJ @ 11:28 am
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Trash talk is the mental beauty of sports. And every player bit at the chance to dish some back to Charles Barkley, one of the more controversial figures to play the game. Even if it’s overly enthusiastic over a single play from Kevin Hart Tim Hardaway.

By today’s standards, that excessive celebration would easily be a technical foul. Oh, how I miss the 90’s.

With respect to the NFL, I’m sure fans forget exactly how brutal football really is, and I think this inside look from Brian Cushing mic’d up last year reminds people just how physical the game is – and how tough Cushing is. Oh, and Shawn Lauvao (#66) is a little bitch.

Finally, no sports post is complete without Tim Tebow Jeremy Lin, who last month was trying to get settled in his new home in Houston after signing a 3-year, $25.1 million contract.

Lin texted the above to his new Rockets teammate, Chandler Parsons, who then tweeted

Amusing, yes. Cheap? Are you kidding me? (As the Yahoo! writer suggested.) That’s sad when a million dollars suddenly doesn’t allow you to sleep over at a friend’s place and you have to go to a hotel.

How do hashtags work? Can I just make up my own? #Linsanityforever

BJ

October 2, 2012

November review

Filed under: For your pleasure — BJ @ 3:40 pm
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I was fortunate to go to my first play, with free tickets courtesy of Edge Los Angeles to go see November opening night last Wednesday. It’s a 90-minute profane, political comedic play written by David Mamet (two Oscars, Tony, Pulitzer Prize) and starring Ed Begley Jr. as the unpopular president desperate to be re-elected and Felicity Huffman (Desperate Housewives) as his lesbian speechwriter.

The play makes jabs at almost every racial group as well as the gays, and with a turkey lobbyist and a Native American in the picture, there isn’t a shortage of ridiculous situations. Entertaining throughout with laugh-out-loud moments, however, it wasn’t the sharpest display in acting (no knock on Begley Jr., I can’t imagine the difficulty in leading a 90-minute live performance with no breaks), costume (Huffman was an ugly, dressed-down hippie half the time) and writing.

November is playing at the Mark Taper Forum in Los Angeles until November 4. Tickets are on sale for $40 or $50.

Rating: 3 stars out of 5

Pass

BJ

September 25, 2012

Millionaire (only in America)

In July, Yahoo! posted an article it considered ten of the toughest games. From this list, I went on to play one of them, a computer game as stupid as it is difficult. (If you haven’t heard of it.)

QWOP

After introducing it to my two friends, we spent a night beating it. Well, my one friend went 100 yards dragging his right leg the whole way, but it was deemed fine by the game.

After you give up on that, check out this funny GIF.

A hilarious look into LeBron James‘ email account from the guy who wrote Sh*t My Dad Says, Justin Halpern.

Last Wednesday, a Denver man was awarded $7.2 million for being diagnosed with “popcorn lung,” possibly from inhaling the artificial butter smell of the microwave popcorn he ate. This has got to be up there with the McDonald’s hot coffee lawsuit, which had just a $2.9 million verdict, because the man kind of asked for it, eating two to three bags of microwave popcorn every day for ten years.

In a post-verdict interview, he remarks that he “probably looks like a fairly healthy guy.” Yeah, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t find anyone to agree with you, but have fun with your millions.

BJ

September 24, 2012

Gangnam Style

My friend only heard about this song in the last week so for those of you still living under a rock, here is the man blowing up around the world – Korean rap star Psy, short for Psycho. And yes, I’m proud to be Korean because of this man.

I’m not even going to post how many hundreds of millions of views this video’s gotten because that number will be trumped in a week. In just over two months, it’s cracked the top 20 most-viewed videos of all-time on YouTube and even plays on American radio stations.

A remix was released a month later featuring Hyuna, the featured girl in Psy’s original video and a 20-year-old K-Pop star herself, although her voice is annoyingly high in this version.

Dodgers Stadium

Psy came to the U.S. to work with Justin Bieber and signed with his manager, Scooter Braun. Just like the Canadian Internet sensation before him, Carly Rae Jepsen.

The Ellen DeGeneres Show

In case you missed him at any of these high-profile appearances.

P.S. Britney Spears is a horrible dancer.

Saturday Night Live

Summer Stand Live Concert

If you couldn’t feel the electricity of a hundred thousand fans jumping up and down to that song from your monitor, you weren’t paying attention.

TODAY Show

I’m convinced this man can end all the hate in this world. The power of music.

And my favorite appearance…

Chelsea Lately

Plus appearances on VH1, ABC, the MTV VMAs and countless and continuing appearances across the U.S. I’m sincerely happy for his success.

BJ

September 21, 2012

R.I.P. Tony Scott

On August 7, Arrested Development started shooting new episodes, and this one of Michael Cera as an Anteater (zot! zot!) was released – looking awkward as ever on a Segway. Awesome.

I came across this Dear Abby question, and I couldn’t not talk about it.

DEAR ABBY: One night I woke up to my cat scratching at my bedroom door to be let in. When I got up and opened the door, I heard my parents making love. They were so loud it grossed me out, because my little sister is 10 and we share a room right next to theirs. She still doesn’t know about this kind of stuff.

It goes on to ask what she should do, but here’s the dumbass response this poor girl got.

DEAR GROSSED OUT: Do not tell your parents to go to a motel. If the cat hadn’t wakened you and you hadn’t opened your bedroom door, you wouldn’t have heard a thing. Be glad that you have parents who love each other and that you didn’t overhear them fighting.

If your sister ever wakes up and gets scared, she should know she can wake you up.

P.S. At age 10, your sister shouldn’t be completely in the dark about the facts of life. And the person who should be talking to her about them is her mother.

The fact that the cat woke her up is irrelevant. If she were to get up to go to the bathroom, she would’ve heard it also. It’s not like she put her ear by her parents’ door and tried to hear it. They’re not allowed to be as loud as they want just because it’s a good thing that’s not fighting. That’s the stupidest reason ever. And I would much prefer to hear my parents fight than have sex. But that’s just me.

I also disagree that a 10-year-old can go on in life without learning about sex and reproduction, but if need be, how would her mother know to talk about it when stupid Abby told her daughter to keep her mouth shut? I say let it go the first time, but if it keeps happening, slam the door as loud as possible. The end. They seriously let anyone give advice. Send your burning questions my way, and I’ll answer them better than this iconic broad.

Finally, R.I.P. to Tony Scott, who committed suicide on August 19 at the age of 68. The shocking nature of the director-producer’s death–by jumping off a bridge in L.A. infamous for jumpers–was made even more tragic when a source claimed he had inoperable brain cancer. However, that was later refuted by his family.

The crazy thing about Ridley Scott‘s younger brother is that he had a very illustrious career, was very much working with over three dozen projects in development and had never been busier than in his last two years. It’s too bad those questions of why will go unanswered. I know it sounds crazy, but it feels like we lost one in the family. R.I.P.

  • Top Gun (director)
  • Beverly Hills Cop II (director)
  • The Last Boy Scout (director)
  • True Romance (director)
  • Crimson Tide (director)
  • The Fan (director)
  • Clay Pigeons (executive producer)
  • Enemy of the State (director)
  • Spy Game (director)
  • Man on Fire (director, producer)
  • Numb3rs (TV Series) (executive producer)
  • Deja Vu (director)
  • The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (executive producer)
  • The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 (director, producer)
  • The Good Wife (TV Series) (executive producer)
  • Cyrus (executive producer)
  • The A-Team (producer)
  • Unstoppable (director, producer)
  • The Grey (executive producer)
  • Prometheus (producer)
  • The East (producer)
  • Stoker (executive producer)
  • Out of the Furnace (producer)
  • Prometheus 2 (producer) (announced)

BJ

September 19, 2012

Movies and real life

Filed under: For your pleasure — BJ @ 9:58 pm
Tags: ,

I imagine a filmmaker would think twice about shooting something that is very sensitive to the state of the current events. (Unless your name is Sam Bacile.) But finished movies are a whole different story, and for that reason, unless we’re talking 9/11, current events should not be the reason to delay the release, change the title or cut a scene in a finished movie.

At the end of the day, Hollywood is still a business trying to sell a product, and maybe more importantly, movies are permanent and for them to change because of something that happened in the news that won’t hold up in history like the movie itself is a calamity.

The most unfortunate timing has changed two movies this year that should be remembered as something else: The Watch and Gangster Squad.

The Watch

The change: Originally titled Neighborhood Watch.

The news: Trayvon Martin gets shot to death in a gated community where the neighborhood watch coordinator had a fatal encounter with him.

The verdict: There weren’t any other changes to the film or its release date because the movie was not about a Hispanic man killing a black kid in mysterious conditions. It was about a group of guys fending off aliens. Should’ve left the title, which was released five months after the incident.

Gangster Squad

The change: An integral scene where the characters shoot submachine guns at moviegoers through a theater screen, and in order for a recut/reshoot, consequently, the release date from September 7, 2012 to January 11, 2013.

The news: The Aurora shooting, where the killer fired at moviegoers during a midnight screening of The Dark Knight Rises.

The verdict: Originally scheduled to be released a month and a half after the incident, a damn shame a movie had to be changed because of something that happened right before it was going to come out. I say push the release date, keep the setting, as they’re keeping the shooting and considering moving the movie theater setting.

(2:00 – 2:09)

I’m surprised they didn’t change Premium Rush (2:16) because of a fatal car accident with a bike where the driver was drunk or something.

But maybe because the media didn’t give it national attention.

BJ

September 18, 2012

Pics pt. 5

Filed under: For your pleasure — BJ @ 12:01 am
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Re-post from my Facebook friends:

Right?

For those that follow the Lakers and their ridiculous ability to take all the star players.

Dora is Consuela. Duh.

BJ

July 19, 2012

This and that

Filed under: For your pleasure — BJ @ 7:17 pm
Tags: ,
  1. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a girlfriend. And while I appreciated our adult conversations on politics and other matters of relative importance, I’m just not looking for that right now. I want a girl who likes to talk celebrity gossip. Someone who looks boring. Someone like Kristen Stewart.
  2. Being an uncle really is the coolest thing because you really can have all the fun with them and then just bounce whenever they need to be fed, changed, bathed or put to sleep. They’re like an awesome pet that’s not yours.
  3. The notion that golf is a relaxing sport is complete bullshit. There’s no doubt everyone walks off the golf course with a higher BP than when they stepped on. I don’t understand the stereotype of husbands getting away from the wife and kids for an even bigger stress fest. I mean, if it’s this hard for pros who have to restrain themselves on TV, we have no shot.
  4. Speaking of golf, it’s funny how it’s supposed to be this hoity toity sport, yet I find so many assholes on the golf course. Mostly when you almost hit them with your ball, one would think you just fucked their sister. Even though it happens so often, they invented a word for it (“Fore!”). Chucking your ball back is obviously a good one, but this young dad put up a good act when my friend almost hit him. On the last hole, he and his young children were chilling by the pond when my friend’s drive came within ten yards of him. He didn’t move, didn’t say anything and just stared down my friend as he took his second shot. Not until after we finished up the hole and were heading to the parking lot did he finally accuse my friend of deliberately attempting to hit them, which is obviously the most absurd thing ever, considering my friend couldn’t hit the broadside of a barn from ten yards out. But who says something ten minutes after the fact? If it bothered you so much, say something from the start, you overly defensive parent.
  5. I might be the only one who looks over my right shoulder to change to the right lane. There is no way all you guys cover all your blind spots by just looking at the rearview and sideview mirrors. Just sayin’.
  6. I hate running into people from high school. Oh, and when you tell me I’m being awkward, you just made the situation even more awkward than it was. And I’m not saying much because I want you to get the hint that I don’t want to talk to you, which you obviously failed at.
  7. Don’t directly joke with people you don’t know…unless you’re flirting. For some reason, guys I just met constantly joke with me like so, “That’ll be $30.” “What?” (thinking it’s free). “I’m just kidding.” I don’t know if you’re serious, it makes things weird and it’s never funny. Because I don’t know you. Just stop it.
  8. Don’t correct people…especially if you’re wrong. I went to use a coupon for a free popcorn at the movie theater, and I used the word ‘redeem’ to the young girl. She gave me a condescending, “What? You mean ‘use’?” and I immediately regretted not giving her a piece of my mind. Or maybe, I should’ve used the ten-minute rule. I don’t know if you’re too stupid to know the definition of ‘redeem’, which is probably the better word to use (to exchange for money or goods; I can’t believe I looked that up), or you thought ‘use’ was the only correct word to use, but you’re wrong, popcorn girl. I should’ve thrown the free popcorn in her face. Or taken it up with management. That was ridiculous. I was a fucking customer.
  9. I had the strangest phone conversation with a guy from the DMV. When I told him my name, he said, “That’s two first names.” Okay…and then in response to my last name, his next insightful remark was, “That’s Korean.” Yeah, and you’re black. I could tell by your voice. Your point?
  10. I will argue to the death that the DMV is the hardest place to get ahold of. In particular, (866) 682-2151; conveniently, the refund department. I’ve given up on getting my vehicle license fee refund. I left a call back number and never heard back. They had over five hours to call me back that day. Every other time is a recording saying they’re so busy, call back later. And they hang up. They don’t even give you another option. Fucking shady. If you can reach this number, you deserve a slow clap.
  11. When did farting become socially accepted? I must have missed the memo. I can understand if an 80-year-old man rips one in front of everyone because old-man-don’t-give-a-shit, but these are friends from different groups and random people who feel that it’s totally okay to drop a silent-but-deadly while walking in a crowd or my favorite, on a packed subway, where a black lady gave me the dirtiest look thinking it was me. I’m going to start Occupy Stop the Farting.
  12. Another socially unacceptable norm: PDA. Even homophobes don’t want to see excessive PDA from straight couples, and the things they do are way more disgusting. Things like repeated pecks or anything cutesy where they act like they’re the only ones there, smooches, tongue, more than a few kisses throughout an entire sitting, ass grabbing or slapping and waddling like ducks while holding her from behind. Get that shit outta here.
  13. I went to a rock show last month, and I worried for my hearing, sad that I didn’t bring ear plugs. I swear the sound reached the threshold of my ear drums popping. But I know I’m not that old…
  14. …because I have friends who listen to talk radio. If I want to hear people talk, I’ll call my mother. If I want to hear people’s opinions, I’ll ask my friends. The radio is meant to play music…and give freeway updates.
  15. If you want something, don’t wait for it to come to you. Bruce Springsteen on playing a Whitney Houston tribute with Paul McCartney at this year’s Grammys, “I’ve been waiting for the phone call to play with Paul since 1964.” The ultimate I’m-going-to-wait-for-him-to-reach-out-to-me that took almost 50 years and a black woman’s death to make it happen.

BJ

July 12, 2012

Videos

Filed under: For your pleasure — BJ @ 11:59 pm
Tags:

Re-post from my Facebook friends:

Real Music

For those that don’t know, I like a very small selection of dubstep, including Skrillex. A dope video by Mike Tompkins.

Parody Music

For reasons I can’t understand, Carly Rae Jepsen‘s “Call Me Maybe” is the most covered song ever. The few I’ve seen are pretty lame, but this one’s a funny take on the pop hit.

ebaum’s World Video.

And for the sushi lovers, sushi etiquette accuracy confirmed by my Japanese friend.

BJ

July 9, 2012

Forget TSE

Filed under: For your pleasure — BJ @ 9:03 pm
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Contrary to popular belief, movie screenings are not all early viewings and fun, fun, fun. In addition to the horrendous drive to often Los Angeles, long wait times due to the first-come, first-serve basis (over an hour before the showtime) and sometimes, showing unfinished movies that really take out of the viewing experience, the companies that hold the screenings can really sour the experience as well.

Actually, the only company I’m referring to is The Screening Exchange. In short, they’re a bunch of Nazi power-tripping, incompetent assholes. But let me elaborate. For reasons unbeknownst to anyone, TSE makes it seem like holding willing people in line is a near-insurmountable task. And the contrast is quite clear because none of the other companies have such a difficult time and nearly the manpower, and they still run a smoother movie screening.

But the biggest annoyance is how much they gate-check the shit out of you. While waiting in line, they make you sign a non-disclosure confidentiality agreement (fair enough) and one of their own forms, where you have to fill out all of your contact information (unnecessary, but okay, fine). They then check your I.D. to see that the name matches up with the confidentiality agreement, another person takes a digital picture of every single person in line holding their I.D. (an outrageous and unnecessary violation of privacy, in my opinion; and of course, he’s the creepy guy) and yet another asks you for your age before handing you your admittance pass to ensure they meet an undisclosed quota by year of age.

Never mind that the invitation already narrows the invitees with a qualifying age range (e.g. 15-44) and the first-come, first-serve policy. If there’s only 20 seats left, we’re just going to stop admitting from the front of the line and choose 20 18-year-olds, most of whom came way too late to have a remote shot of getting in, at our own discretion. Absolute bullshit.

I’m familiar with most of the employees as I see the same ones at every screening, and they’re all terribly overstressed by what seems like a fairly easy job. And I blame it all on this one particular asshole who oversees everything and who is the only one I’m referring to when I described TSE as “Nazi power-tripping assholes.” At the Lovelace screening, I merely asked this man if I could sit in one of the dozens of reserved seating that were going to remain empty throughout the movie, and he said something similar to, “If you don’t sit down right now, I’m going to kick you out.” If he wasn’t in the position he was in, I’d have him repeat that phrase without some of his teeth.

At the next screening, I heard him tell an employee, “Why aren’t these people being taken care of?” When she went over to the group he pointed at, he said the exact same thing regarding another group like the prick of a boss you could never please. She was visibly humiliated, and before she could respond, he walked away. Doing absolutely nothing.

Note: I asked for better seats because I was sitting in the front row, which was less than 10 feet from the screen. They need to make it a law that the closest seat to the screen cannot be within 30 feet. Anything within that is not a fucking seat to watch a movie. Who would pay $12 for that ungodly angle and neck-cranker? Absolutely absurd.

Here’s the rest of the terrible month of May:

  • I don’t know when May Day became National Protest Day, but I ran right into the buttcrack of the street closures near Pershing Square, and it took me exactly two hours to get to the End of Watch screening. I could’ve driven 100 miles down to San Diego in that same time.

Very briefly and not just because of this one experience, let me just say that the overuse and exploitation of the 1st Amendment is one of the major downfalls of our country. In fact, I’ve said it before, and I will continue to say it. Allowing people to take over streets, most of whom are admittedly only there to be part of the experience, not only disrupts motorists just trying to get home after a long day at work but sends a wrong signal to the whole notion of democracy. I recognize that protests sometimes lead to changes, but I also believe there’s such a thing as too many rights, and this country lets way too many people run amuck. Make changes through votes, not by bitching and whining like so many Americans do.

  • After I posted a review of a Cloud Atlas screening, I received an email from an attorney representing Warner Bros. telling me to remove the post or face millions in financial damages arising from a loss at the box office I may have cost the movie from my negative review. Re-read that last sentence if you found that possibility as preposterous as I did. I wouldn’t even believe that if my name was Ashton Kutcher.

I obliged, but it did make me think: there’s no way I’m getting this notice had my review been positive. And I love how attorneys throw in a disparaging word here and there because they’re all snide fucking assholes, in this case unnecessarily calling my blog “amateur.” If I’m an “amateur” with no known following, I’m flattered that I’m at the top of your list of blogs to shut down.

Nevertheless, with screenings held by TSE, I’ve made a point to withhold those reviews until an appropriate time.

Nevertheless, fuck TSE.

BJ

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