Diary of a Wimpy Trip

I’m back, folks. Having slept an impressive 30 hours in a 39-hour stretch since I’ve been back, I think I’m finally working on Pacific time again.

Diary of a Wimpy Trip

April 4, 1a
Boarding gate, LAX Airport

Scruffy man in Saints jersey sits next to us, snoring so loud that he draws attention from the packed room.

April 4, 1:20a
In plane, waiting for takeoff

Should we really be surprised that Saints man ends up sitting next to us? This is a 15-hour flight. FML.

April 4, 8a
In plane, flight in progress

Allow me to cheat and say that the Saints man actually doesn’t snore the entire flight but that two crying babies the row in front of us are on the verge of making me strangle some infants. I swear, one of them cries so loud that your eardrums hurt.

My Cathay Pacific plug: it truly is one of the best in-flight entertainments

offered with movies, TV, music and games on demand. I’ll review my list of 2009 movies and music seen in another post. My one knock: the chairs don’t recline. Only the seat moves forward, if you can imagine that, which doesn’t help.

April 4, 3p
In plane, flight in progress

My second No. 3 in as many hours, but again, nothing hardly comes out. Constipated with diarrhea the entire flight, no bueno.

April 5, 7:45a
Exiting plane, Hong Kong

You know you could feel the outside weather in that small segment from the plane to the connector? That’s when I first felt the 95% humidity I would come to enjoy for the next seven days.

April 5, 6p
Hotel room, Hong Kong

Everyone sleeps in twos and because I didn’t bring my imaginary girlfriend, I have to spend the next six nights with my brother-in-law’s cousin. Nice guy, but I’ve never seen two twin beds closer together than the ones in these rooms. Having entered our room for the first time together, I go about pushing my bed to the wall while complaining of the proximity aloud. I hope he wasn’t offended.

April 6, 2p
CityPlaza, Hong Kong

Shopping.

April 8, 10a
Outside, Hong Kong

“Japanese Steam Massage Bath” sighting.

April 8, 4p
Flea Market, Hong Kong

More shopping. My mom’s a lowballer. She also makes unreasonable demands after making a purchase that gets her kicked out of a store. She’s awesome.

April 8, 10p
Hotel bar, Hong Kong

I sip on some rum and cokes, as I become obsessed with one of the female singers from the band. Unfortunately, this is my last sighting of hot girl.

April 9, 10:45a
Hotel breakfast, Hong Kong

BIL’s uncle reports seeing no women go into said Japanese bath. Suspicions confirmed.

April 9, 2p
Mini Great Wall, Cheung Chau

If this is comparable to a 5k and a marathon, I could care less for the real thing, with the uphill marches endured.

April 9, 7p
Outside, Hong Kong

Another shopping opportunity. I disrespectfully decline.

April 10, 11p
Hotel room, Hong Kong

BIL’s cousin gets sloppy on me on the last night, farts in bed as we watch TV.

April 11, 1:10p
Boarding gate, Hong Kong Airport

Hong Kong Immigration stops me just before I board for a random passport check. The questions asked are completely irrelevant. For example, what stops everyone from saying the purpose of the trip is for pleasure?

April 12, 5:50a
In plane, flight in progress

I can seamlessly go for days without a bathroom break but can’t make it past a flight without doing the same. Flight attendant knocks on the bathroom door to tell me to sit down, as we’ve made our descent and are four minutes from landing.

April 11, 3:40p
Customs, LAX Airport

Official asks me how old I am.

April 11, 3:45p
Baggage claim, LAX Airport

Security dog sniffs wildly at a bag owned by a man standing next to me. He tells the security lady there’s chocolate in the bag, to which she asks if he has a meat sandwich in there. He says no, and she moves on.

April 11, 3:50p
Exit line, LAX Airport

Bobby Lee sighting in the next line over and a few back. BIL confirms with

Imagine this with a thicker 'stache and a black jacket.

voice recognition. No one seems to know who he is. I turn into a giddy school girl at my whole family.

April 11, 3:55p
Outside LAX Airport

A security official stops me for a random check and then proceeds to ask me for a donation for “Feed the Children.” I leave, thinking “Fuck the Children. I just got off a 13-hour flight.”

April 11, 4:05p
Outside LAX Airport

More Bobby Lee stalking before he vanishes into a parking garage with cute girl who comes to pick him up. Unable to locate parking garage exit, as I leave the airport.

BJ