Me and My Nine Iron

January 30, 2010

Obama does go to the right

In more car recall news, Honda recently announced a recall of 140,000 of its 2007 and 2008 Fit models in the United States for a fire hazard. Conveniently, all are still on the dealership lots.

San Diego is so cash-strapped that “a third of the city’s police dogs are being laid off.” Some say they’ll retire while others will look to go into other fields.

Joke of the day: President Obama, who is an avid basketball fan and left-handed, was asked if he had problems dribbling to his right, to which he responded, “I went to the Republican House caucus just yesterday to prove that I could go to my right once in a while.”

BJ

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January 29, 2010

Jimmy Kimmel is funnier than Jay Leno

Filed under: For your pleasure — BJ @ 12:41 pm
Tags: , , ,

And you can’t really argue with that because like Kimmel said about Leno, “he was [once] a comedian.”

Also like Jimmy, I love beating things to death so here’s his winning response to Leno’s discussion with Oprah.

Finally, a Nike ad in Sports Illustrated is stirring some controversy over a gun reference, the same week two teammates were suspended for carrying firearms to their locker room. The quote shown next to Kobe Bryant reads, “I’ll do whatever it takes to win games. I don’t leave anything in the chamber,” which is duly noted that the chamber in a gun is the compartment that holds the bullet before it is fired.

So that’s what that part’s called.

BJ

January 28, 2010

Toyota recall

Filed under: For your pleasure — BJ @ 2:20 pm

I was using Windex earlier when I noticed the spray was slow in coming back to its original place when I let go. Now I know how Toyota drivers feel.

BJ

January 27, 2010

I Am Poor

New York Governor David Paterson says the horses in the traditional carriage rides need to be treated better or the popular tourist rides should be banned.

After the speech, he was seen leaving on four horses, whipping them as they carried his extra junk.

I empathize with Jay Leno, as he explained the entire story with NBC on his show a couple of weeks ago. He looks like he’s about to break down when talking to Oprah here.

I Am Rich iPhone App: The app costs $999.99, and all that it does is display an image of a red gem, which essentially functions as an elite status symbol on your phone. Do you have one? Didn’t think so.

I Am Poor iPhone App: It doesn’t exist. The app, which displays a picture of ramen on the screen, was actually submitted but didn’t make it past Apple’s chopping blocks. That’s racist.

The iPad: Steve Jobs said the tablet, which made its highly-anticipated

iPad prices.

presentation on Wednesday is “the most important thing I’ve ever done.” The biggest thing in the tech world for months, this 9.7-inch touchscreen tablet would create a new computing category of tablet computers with a release date in about 60 days.

Believe it or not, the Apple CEO has failed numerous times with new products, and I’d be surprised if this became a smashing hit because of its steep price with respect to what more it can offer consumers.

BJ

January 26, 2010

Face-detection fail

Last year, a blogger posted about the Nikon S630’s flaw in its face-detection technology, as the camera would flash a notice if it thought someone in the picture blinked. The Chinese blogger found that the same notice flashes when Asian eyes are open.

Her original post here.

Last month, a YouTube video was posted of a web camera on HP’s Mediasmart laptop computer, which has a face-tracking and recognition technology that follows you around, that does not pick up on “negroes.” Hey, at least it doesn’t flash a message saying, “Are you in front of the camera?” Maybe they should call these “race-detection” instead.

On Tuesday, President Obama said that an audiotape released Sunday by

"You dumb Americans."

Osama bin Laden showed weakness in how he tried to take responsibility for the failed Christmas Day airplane bombing.

At about the same time, the Commission on the Prevention of Weapons of Mass Destruction Proliferation gave the Obama administration a failing grade for its efforts to prepare for and respond to a biological terrorist attack.

Way to go, Obama. Way to go.

BJ

January 25, 2010

If that catches on, I’ll sue you

As you all know by now, Conan O’Brien has received $45 million ($33

They're still buds, really.

million to him and $12 million to his 200-strong staff) to leave “The Tonight Show” in exchange for “nondisparagement of NBC” and not hosting a show until September. Where did $33 million come from, you ask? NBC is virutally buying out the remaining two and a half years of his guaranteed contract so with a rumored salary of $12 million, CoCo earned $1.5 million to host “The Tonight Show” for eight months and $33 million to leave it. With networks penny-pinching these days, talk about a costly mistake. Possible destinations in the fall: Comedy Central, Fox.

On a follow-up to the physical altercation with the 79-year-old man in my

I'm not sure, but I think he only has one eye.

previous post, this one ups the ante. In a parking dispute in Brooklyn, an 83-year-old man broke the nose of a 99-year-old man and assaulted him with “The Club” security device. He also threatened to “cut his balls off,” as the near-centenarian suffered a broken nose and ribs. I wonder if that’s even threatening to someone two months from 100, being a thing of the past, as far as its usefulness.

The possible is now inevitable. When it’s all said and done, Avatar will have broken the domestic, international and all-time records at the box office – all previously held by James Cameron’s Titanic. And for all you Pandora lovers, it won’t be over. Cameron said he’s looking at at least two more sequels, though it’ll be a couple of years before the first is released with no script in the works.

The Jersey Shore cast is looking to cash in after a successful and much-raved first season. After making a couple hundred dollars per episode in the first season, the cast members are asking for $10,000 each per showing. You think that’s a lot. Each of The Hills‘ cast makes $100,000 per episode. Then again, I guess you should get paid for creating drama in your life. That’s got to be stressful.

Tiger, you know it’s bad when Mel Gibson feels sorry for you.

BJ

January 19, 2010

Conan charges early termination fee

Filed under: On the 6 o'clock news — BJ @ 2:03 pm
Tags: ,

Conan O’Brien is reportedly close to signing a $40 million deal with NBC to leave “The Tonight Show,” where an agreement could come as early as Tuesday. The potential deal would bar O’Brien from “bad-mouthing” his former bosses at NBC and allow him to take another television job within one year.

I don’t understand NBC’s logic here. They make the scheduling changes because the ratings are bad, but then offer someone $40 million to leave? No wonder all of its employees openly tear it a new one.

Conan really earned his buyout by using each remaining night to rip his bosses, and frankly, where else can you do just that and not just get away with it, but be handed even more money? My guess is Conan will join Jimmy Kimmel over on ABC in the near future, maybe bump him back a slot. Check out last night’s clip of Conan posting himself on Craigslist.

Woman kept 37 cats in 1-bedroom apartment: A New York woman tried to care for them, but her pet population spiraled out of control. Her method of resolving the population mess: praying and hoping that the animals wouldn’t hump each other incessantly without spaying and neutering them.

Police conflict with 79-year-old man: In a case of “he said, he said,” the man claimed Garden Grove police pushed him to the ground while the police report states a police officer was punched and kicked twice in the groin during the October traffic stop. All this after the officer pulled him over for going 52 mph in a 35 mph zone. When the officer asked him to sign the citation, the man told the officer: “I don’t believe you – I am from Vietnam.”

As far as uncooperative responses go, this one’s a true original in my book. But wait.

He and his family have maintained that he was only trying to be cooperative and that officers may have misunderstood him because of his inability to communicate properly in English.

I think his previous response just about did him in in the “I don’t speak English” excuse. He knew damn well what the hell was going on.

He refused to sign the citation because, in Vietnam, signing a paper provided by the officer meant pleading guilty.

I’m assuming this guy had a U.S. driver’s license, which means he had to take a permit test and learn that what he thought was wrong. What a holey alibi. I have no doubt in my mind that Mr. Miyagi busted the officer’s chops. Literally.

BJ

January 18, 2010

Some big booty

Be a pirate: Somali pirates on Monday released one of the largest ships ever hijacked after receiving a record $9 million in ransom, proving that dressing like Jack Sparrow is both fun and recession-proof.

One rich Buckeye: The president of Ohio State University was the highest paid public university executive in the United States for the second year in a row, according to a study published Monday. Just because they can’t win college football championships doesn’t mean they can’t be first in other things.

Life Unexpected: “The most highly anticipated show of the season” premiered tonight on CW. It prides a review from TV Guide, quoting it’s “Juno-meets-Gilmore Girls.” How annoying does that sound?

BJ

January 16, 2010

Oh, you didn’t know?

Taco Bell: Taco Bell is giving away a free Fresco Taco to the first million coupons redeemed. Get your free fast food fix here!

Starbucks price hike: On Tuesday, Starbucks raised prices on “more complex beverages” by as much as 35 cents, its second price increase in four months. Apparently, they feel the recession’s already over. But hey, at least we don’t live in Moscow, where the cost for one cup of coffee, including service, is $7.00.

Bank of America customers: BoA is offering its credit card customers free access to art museums, zoos, botanical centers and science museums in 74 cities located in 27 states, on the first full weekend of every month through September. The program, named “Museums on Us,” is fully funded by another recent program called “Excess Charges on Us.” See which places are participating here.

BJ

January 15, 2010

Tough times

Animals and earthquakes: Video footage was recorded of a dog bolting out of a room no more than three seconds before the Northern California quake hit last week, reinforcing the belief that animals can feel earthquakes before humans can. Three seconds. That’s enough time for me to scratch my balls before I’m in the same predicament than I was without Lassie.

Disapproval for Obama: President Obama’s job approval rating from CBS News was 46 percent this month, marking the first time he’s been south of 50 percent in its poll. After the release, Sarah Palin was spotted typing up her resignation letter for Fox News.

More military spending along the way: The 2011 budget request for the Defense Department would top $700 billion for the first time. Among the things they plan to spend the money on are putting all Nigerians on the “No Fly List,” extra security for the first dog, Bo and the war with Fox.

Oh, Texas: The state board of education will soon adopt new classroom standards that will determine how history is taught for the next decade. Among the interesting topics considered were Bill Gates, Texas native Mary Kay, Texas’ first Mexican-American female legislator and Sikhism – the world’s fifth-largest religion. Moments later, Warren Buffet, blacks and Atheists demanded to be considered as well.

Answer to yesterday’s riddle: He landed on Boardwalk. OMG, I know. I know. That’s a Google interview question by the way. Check out 29 more here.

BJ

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