Me and My Nine Iron

September 25, 2012

Millionaire (only in America)

In July, Yahoo! posted an article it considered ten of the toughest games. From this list, I went on to play one of them, a computer game as stupid as it is difficult. (If you haven’t heard of it.)


After introducing it to my two friends, we spent a night beating it. Well, my one friend went 100 yards dragging his right leg the whole way, but it was deemed fine by the game.

After you give up on that, check out this funny GIF.

A hilarious look into LeBron James‘ email account from the guy who wrote Sh*t My Dad Says, Justin Halpern.

Last Wednesday, a Denver man was awarded $7.2 million for being diagnosed with “popcorn lung,” possibly from inhaling the artificial butter smell of the microwave popcorn he ate. This has got to be up there with the McDonald’s hot coffee lawsuit, which had just a $2.9 million verdict, because the man kind of asked for it, eating two to three bags of microwave popcorn every day for ten years.

In a post-verdict interview, he remarks that he “probably looks like a fairly healthy guy.” Yeah, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t find anyone to agree with you, but have fun with your millions.



September 21, 2012

R.I.P. Tony Scott

On August 7, Arrested Development started shooting new episodes, and this one of Michael Cera as an Anteater (zot! zot!) was released – looking awkward as ever on a Segway. Awesome.

I came across this Dear Abby question, and I couldn’t not talk about it.

DEAR ABBY: One night I woke up to my cat scratching at my bedroom door to be let in. When I got up and opened the door, I heard my parents making love. They were so loud it grossed me out, because my little sister is 10 and we share a room right next to theirs. She still doesn’t know about this kind of stuff.

It goes on to ask what she should do, but here’s the dumbass response this poor girl got.

DEAR GROSSED OUT: Do not tell your parents to go to a motel. If the cat hadn’t wakened you and you hadn’t opened your bedroom door, you wouldn’t have heard a thing. Be glad that you have parents who love each other and that you didn’t overhear them fighting.

If your sister ever wakes up and gets scared, she should know she can wake you up.

P.S. At age 10, your sister shouldn’t be completely in the dark about the facts of life. And the person who should be talking to her about them is her mother.

The fact that the cat woke her up is irrelevant. If she were to get up to go to the bathroom, she would’ve heard it also. It’s not like she put her ear by her parents’ door and tried to hear it. They’re not allowed to be as loud as they want just because it’s a good thing that’s not fighting. That’s the stupidest reason ever. And I would much prefer to hear my parents fight than have sex. But that’s just me.

I also disagree that a 10-year-old can go on in life without learning about sex and reproduction, but if need be, how would her mother know to talk about it when stupid Abby told her daughter to keep her mouth shut? I say let it go the first time, but if it keeps happening, slam the door as loud as possible. The end. They seriously let anyone give advice. Send your burning questions my way, and I’ll answer them better than this iconic broad.

Finally, R.I.P. to Tony Scott, who committed suicide on August 19 at the age of 68. The shocking nature of the director-producer’s death–by jumping off a bridge in L.A. infamous for jumpers–was made even more tragic when a source claimed he had inoperable brain cancer. However, that was later refuted by his family.

The crazy thing about Ridley Scott‘s younger brother is that he had a very illustrious career, was very much working with over three dozen projects in development and had never been busier than in his last two years. It’s too bad those questions of why will go unanswered. I know it sounds crazy, but it feels like we lost one in the family. R.I.P.

  • Top Gun (director)
  • Beverly Hills Cop II (director)
  • The Last Boy Scout (director)
  • True Romance (director)
  • Crimson Tide (director)
  • The Fan (director)
  • Clay Pigeons (executive producer)
  • Enemy of the State (director)
  • Spy Game (director)
  • Man on Fire (director, producer)
  • Numb3rs (TV Series) (executive producer)
  • Deja Vu (director)
  • The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (executive producer)
  • The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 (director, producer)
  • The Good Wife (TV Series) (executive producer)
  • Cyrus (executive producer)
  • The A-Team (producer)
  • Unstoppable (director, producer)
  • The Grey (executive producer)
  • Prometheus (producer)
  • The East (producer)
  • Stoker (executive producer)
  • Out of the Furnace (producer)
  • Prometheus 2 (producer) (announced)


September 17, 2012


Carl Crawford, the victim. The $20 million player has since been traded to the Dodgers.

In July, the Massachusetts mayor elected to fire an officer for a racial slur of a baseball player while off-duty at a baseball game. The racial slur in question? A Monday – a use of the word I don’t know anyone I know has ever heard before. The origin:

The word can be used as a derogatory term for blacks, and is often associated with Mondays being one of the most-hated days of the week, such as in the common phrase, ”I hate Mondays.”

First of all, that has got to be the stupidest, least offensive racial slur out of all the races there is. Seriously, that’s something a third-grader would say. The player was immediately offended by it so I’m guessing he knew what that meant, but c’mon. For a race that seems to be the most fiery and physically tough, they’re easily the most sensitive. In fact, I can assure you I just offended someone reading this right now.

Shouldn’t have been said out of sheer lack of creativity and should’ve been a non-issue for the same reason.

Holly Madison will end her run on Las Vegas’ Peepshow on October 21 to focus on adopting a baby from either Africa or South Korea.

Just adopt me. We can pretend I’m from Korea, and we can forgo all the diaper troubles, unless you want to. Looking forward to making babies with my adopted mother.

Update: Madison is pregnant with her boyfriend of less than a year. What was interesting was she said this back in June, “I’m not pregnant right now,” the former Playboy model, 32, said, “but if that happened tomorrow I’d be fine with it.” Looks like it literally did; she conceived in June.

Madison’s boyfriend is actually currently facing up to 13 years in prison on charges of bribery and embezzlement. Sounds like an upstanding dude. If you need help, Holly, holler.

They say the bigger you are, the harder the fall. That couldn’t be more true for two stars who made just one mistake in their personal life that ended up costing them dearly, simultaneously: Chad Johnson, formerly Chad Ochocinco, NFL player and reality TV star, and Kristen Stewart, the highest-paid actress in the last year ($34.5 million).

Johnson’s bad week:

8/11 Arrested for allegedly headbutting his wife, Evelyn Lozada, during an argument which arose from her finding a receipt for a box of condoms.
8/12 Released from the Miami Dolphins for being arrested.
8/13 VH1’s Ev and Ocho, set to premiere in September, is dropped.
8/14 The episode when he was released by the head coach on HBO’s Hard Knocks airs. His wife files for divorce.
8/15 Loses an endorsement deal with coconut water brand Zico.

Update: 9/14 Johnson files for divorce.

Stewart’s bad month:

7/17 Caught by photographers cheating on her boyfriend Robert Pattinson, with her Snow White and the Huntsman director, Rupert Sanders.
7/22 Stewart and Pattinson argue at the Teen Choice Awards.
7/25 Issues public apology.
7/26 Pattinson moves out of their shared home.
8/14 Universal Pictures scraps plans to make a Snow White and the Huntsman sequel and instead will make a movie about The Huntsman.
8/28 Pattinson puts home up for sale.

Update: 9/16 Stewart and Pattinson are back together.

At least one of them had a happy ending. And that includes Sanders and his now-estranged wife, Liberty Ross. I can’t imagine the gifts Sanders is going to shower Ross with on her birthday this Sunday.


July 5, 2012

Ridiculousness pt. 2

Have you actually seen some of the contributions you can make on the CA state tax return? Here’s just a few of the absurd ones.

California Sea Otter Fund
Municipal Shelter-Spay Neuter Fund
Arts Council Fund

Arts Council? What does that even mean? There’s a group of people who decide and act on the arts [and crafts] of the state of California?

On a serious note, in May, another case involving the controversial “stand your ground” law in Florida arose in a hypocritical take on George Zimmerman‘s case. Marissa Alexander, like Zimmerman, could’ve fled the scene yet Zimmerman is using the “stand your ground” defense while Alexander had her right thrown out by the judge. Instead, the mother of three with a master’s degree will go down for doing 20 years for simply firing a warning shot in her house at her husband, who she had a restraining order against and felt threatened by.

See, the state also has a controversial “10-20-life” law, which works as follows. “Anyone who shows a gun in the commission of certain felonies gets an automatic 10 years in prison. Fire the gun, and it’s an automatic 20 years. Shoot and wound someone, and it’s 25 years to life.”

Even the state legislator who drew up the bill disagrees with its effect in this case. What did you expect when you wrote out the “20” part? It’s way too forward and allows no exceptions. You just ruined someone’s life – all in 12 minutes of jury deliberations.

The point of this is it’s crazy how different all of the states are, even though we as a country try to give the impression that we are one. Committing the same crime in different states can have vastly different consequences, which doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me. One last point…

And they say California’s a terrible place to live.

Check out the article here.

Going from ending lives to ending friendships, my dad had the awesomest story that I had to share. He had dinner with some friends, including his divorced friend and his new much-younger girlfriend, and this man ended up picking up the bill.

A week later, my dad gets a call from this friend, who goes on a minute-long rant about how my dad didn’t call him to thank him for dinner and that he doesn’t need a friend like him. Let me remind you that these men are in their late 50’s, and there’s just no place for that even in my 20’s. My dad wasn’t even able to get out a word before he was hung up on, but he probably wouldn’t have said anything nice anyway.

I don’t think I need to say anything about how ridiculous this story is, but I will. Don’t be an emo bitch. And don’t be with one that’ll manipulate you into being a tactless human being. You think you’ve done the right thing by cutting off the friendship over that? Let me tell you, sir, you’ve done my dad a huge favor.

Hope he’s not sitting by the phone waiting for an apology.


April 2, 2012

Mitt Romney for President

Filed under: For your pleasure,On the 6 o'clock news — BJ @ 12:09 am

Now, I may have a friend with an elevator in his home, but Mitt Romney‘s car lift in his San Diego home is on another level. Romney wants the car lift for his four cars, and one kind of car lift has a price tag of about $60,000. Chump change for a man whose fortune is estimated at $250 million.

The video below is a simulation for a high-rise in New York. Pretty cool stuff.

This is an absolutely clever video made on the perception of Romney played to the tune of Eminem‘s “The Real Slim Shady.” Couldn’t not share it.


March 13, 2012

A night at L.A. Live

I went out to my first L.A. Clippers game this year so I decided to grab dinner at The Original Pantry Cafe across the street before the game. This iconic restaurant owned by former L.A. mayor Richard Riordan and is open 24/7 has served many celebrities and is even featured in Knocked Up. It’s a good price for a steakhouse, but the quality makes it an after-hours only option, which at that time, I would never be in the area or make the drive to come here.

I got the New York ($17.45), which was pretty good quality and perfectly portioned, and also tried the Top Sirloin ($15.25), which is not good at all. I’ve been told the T-Bone ($24.50) is good and saw every other table have an order of Spaghetti and Meatball ($9.45). Steaks come with a plate of potatoes and a bowl of peas, which aren’t good, and bread and cole slaw come with each table.

A neat place to try, but I’d probably try any of the other eateries in L.A. Live next time.

Rating: 3 stars out of 5

Across the street from Staples Center was the world premiere of The Hunger Games. Fans were behind a rail across the street hoping to catch a glimpse of the stars. I saw on the big screen Jennifer Lawrence, Liam Hemsworth and girlfriend, Miley Cyrus on the red carpet.

Looking forward to the movie, which comes out on 3/23.

Lob City was largely unentertaining, and basketball, like baseball, is slowly creeping up on me as not a fun game to watch in person. (I’ll still go see an Angels game this year.) As for the game itself, it was a sloppy, low-scoring game that was streaky throughout, had six technical fouls and was the 30th consecutive sellout dating back to last season (19 this season). But how ugly was it?

Rajon Rondo and Chris Paul had a combined 10 turnovers.
Caron Butler, Paul and DeAndre Jordan shot a combined 9-for-35 (26%).
The Clippers shot 37% from the field.
Kenyon Martin and Eric Bledsoe looked awful, going 0-for-3 with 3 turnovers and four fouls in a combined 13 minutes off the bench.
And Blake Griffin was unspectacular.

Boston (22-19) 94 – LAC (23-17) 85

Overall, a horrible value for the inflated ticket prices.

Rating: 2 stars out of 5


March 2, 2012

Bank standoff: the real story

Filed under: On the 6 o'clock news — BJ @ 7:35 pm
Tags: ,

News: Yesterday, my backyard of Buena Park made national news when an armed gunman held the bank manager hostage at Saehan Bank. And by backyard, I mean they closed off the road up to where I can only turn out of my neighborhood one way. He let everyone go but her, and four hours later and under the pretense of giving the hostage food, SWAT officers moved in and exchanged fire with the gunman. He was hit multiple times and remains in UCI Medical Center’s ICU, but only after he got off a pump from his sawed-off shotgun, hitting three officers with the shrapnel.

Motive: While I can only find in the the American news over 24 hours later that the gunman and hostage knew each other and that the man was determined to get $250,000 or commit murder-suicide, they don’t delve into the man’s troubled relationship with the bank. Immediately after the news broke, the Korean media somehow knew that the gunman was irate over (and please comment on any inaccuracies as I heard this via word of mouth) his $250,000 in cash in a safety deposit box mysteriously disappearing at the bank. He went to retrieve it eight months after (he was allowed to keep it there?), but the bank had no knowledge as to the whereabouts of the contents and claimed it only keeps records for three months. So you can imagine how unhelpful they must have been for him to resort to this.

Analysis: If the facts are true, and it’s hard to see why the man would fabricate such a story, the bank fucked up big time. And I want to know where his goddamn money went. Not to mention their records retainment period is a fucking joke; try at least three years, not three months. That and with the national banks collapse, that’ll definitely help customer confidence and security over the safety of their money with banks. Shady Koreans. Shady banks.


February 28, 2012

Academy Awards recap

Filed under: On the 6 o'clock news — BJ @ 12:46 am
Tags: , ,

The 2011 awards season all in one post:

69th Golden Globes:

Ricky Gervais hosts the Golden Globes and can’t win. After a conservative hosting job contrary to pre-show jabs and previous years’ shows, he gets panned for pulling punches this time in what he said would be his last time hosting the Golden Globes.

More than one Golden Globe win for motion pictures: The Artist (3), The Descendants (2).

Oscar nominations:

Best Picture: The Artist (Best Picture – Comedy – The Artist), The Descendants (Best Picture – Drama – Golden Globe), Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close, The Help, Hugo, Midnight in Paris, Moneyball, The Tree of Life, War Horse
Actor in a Leading Role: Demian Bichir, George Clooney (Best Actor – Drama – Golden Globe), Jean Dujardin (Best Actor – Comedy – Golden Globe), Gary Oldman, Brad Pitt
Actress in a Leading Role: Glenn Close, Viola Davis, Rooney Mara, Meryl Streep (Best Actress – Drama – Golden Globe), Michelle Williams (Best Actress – Comedy – Golden Globe)
Directing: The Artist, The Descendants, Hugo (Best Director – Golden Globe), Midnight in Paris, The Tree of Life

More than three Oscar nominations: Hugo (11), The Artist (10), Moneyball (6), War Horse (6), The Descendants (5), The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (5), The Help (4), Midnight in Paris (4).

Razzie nominations: Adam Sandler (11, record), Jack and Jill (12), Transformers: Dark of the Moon (9), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (8).

Sandler will be laughing all the way to the bank, though. Those two movies he racked up the noms for grossed over $357 million.

Awards to be announced on April Fool’s Day.

84th Academy Awards:

I decided to forgo my annual picks this year because of a combination of my not watching enough this past year and the massive amount of obscure movies nominated. Last year was a relatively weak movie year, and the Best Picture noms reflect that. I’ve only seen two of the nine best picture nominees and don’t have a single majority watch in any of the relevant categories. But it’s not all me, only one of the nine nominees has grossed over $100 million (The Help), the average is $57.5 million and three movies grossed under $15 million. The Artist is 8th at $12.1 million.

As expected, The Artist won top billing and tied Hugo with five Oscars for most on the night. It was just the second silent film to win Best Picture, with the first at the 1st Academy Awards in 1929, and the first black-and-white film since Schindler’s List in 1993. With Meryl Streep‘s win, she’s now 3 (T-2nd) for 17 (1st).

Here’s the complete list of winners.

Best Picture: The Artist
Actor in a Leading Role: Jean Dujardin (The Artist)
Actress in a Leading Role: Meryl Streep (The Iron Lady)
Directing: The Artist (Michel Hazanavicius)


February 14, 2012

Slapped with semen slime

In December, James Cameron was hit with a lawsuit by Eric Ryder, who claimed that Avatar was ripped off from his story called KRZ 2068. Ryder was allegedly told by Lightstorm Entertainment that “no one would be interested in an environmentally themed science fiction feature film” but also told him that Cameron already had a scriptment for the project. Now why would he have a scriptment for a project that no one would be interested in?

It’s always easy to side with the studio, as it’s no surprise that Ryder has no credits to his name and looks like just another guy trying to make a quick buck off a highly-successful movie. But he better hope he wins this thing because he just ended any hopes of a career in Hollywood.

Anyone in the business will tell you they’ve heard the same story a thousand times no matter how unique you think it is. (And it’s so true. In one class, we all submitted loglines for input, and three consecutive loglines the instructor read were about cannibals. I mean what are the chances one out of the hundred students wrote about cannibals, let alone three in a row?) I want to know why it took exactly two years since the release date for the lawsuit to happen. Perhaps, to wait and see how much money the movie makes? Who knows what the real story is?

Two weeks ago, NBC decided to pull a segment shot last summer for Fear Factor where contestants were forced to drink full glasses of donkey semen and urine as part of a challenge. They had been mulling over the decision ever since they shot it, and they initially approved it but reneged when word got out on TMZ. The worst part is the contestants did it, and a previous episode aired in the time slot entirely.

First of all, how can you even think that that would’ve been okay? I’m surprised that a primetime network even had to mull that decision, let alone initially approve it. And do we have any sympathy for the contestants? An animal’s semen and urine? C’mon, you got to draw the line somewhere, and for some people, there is no line.

Jamie Oliver came over to the U.S. to attempt to transform the food industry like he did in the U.K., and in April’s season premiere of Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution, Oliver introduced the audience to pink slime – cow scraps mixed with ammonia to make 70% of all ground beef in the country.

Two weeks ago, pink slime gained national attention when McDonald’s announced it no longer uses it in its burgers. Sadly, Oliver met resistance from U.S. officials, and his show was canceled last summer after two seasons due to low ratings.

Check out the segment below:


February 11, 2012

This weekend’s forecast

Filed under: On the 6 o'clock news — BJ @ 8:01 am
Sat Sun
PM Showers Sunny
High: 61° High: 63°
Low: 38° Low: 40°


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